I seem to be forever baffled and a little surprised at how people behave when in public. Is it stupidity? Is it bad social ettiquette? Or is it simply what I had suspected all along.....that some people really do live in their own self contained bubble. I imagine these bubbles to be extremely small and have a limited amount of oxygen to the brain. Oh and the only form of entertainment available in this self contained space is Football, The Sun and an endless stream of music such as Basshunter or some other tuneless crap which I regularly hear blasting out of a chav mobile during the early hours of the morning.
Just the other week I was walking through Ipswich town centre carrying a handful of bags whilst talking on my mobile phone and desperately seeking out my mother within the ocean of people swimming towards me. Now, not only was this a multi-tasking nightmare in itself but I was becoming more and more aware of a tantrum brewing underneath my cool exterior. Those who know me best can sense when I might blow, but even those who are not so aware of my 'fly off the handle' tendencies can often sense it in the air. The calm before the storm. That moment of bliss where your aware that something may just turn and the current state of calm is just a short-lived dream. Anyway back to my story. As I was trying my hardest not to blow my lid something tipped me over the edge. Something so incomprehensibly inconvenient and exceptionally annoying that I felt the need to write about it. Prepare yourselves or this: Someone handed me a promotional leaflet and tried to sell me a mobile phone!! Okay I know this may not sound like a particularly outrageous incident, I mean its not like someone marched past me dressed head to toe in nazi regalia worshipping Hitler. Or a group of Satan loving Goths weren’t sacrificing a goat in front of me to Lucifer himself; in fact I’m sure to those reading this it would appear that this salesman was ‘just doing his job’ and was not harming anybody. But let me explain further, and you may begin to understand my annoyance.

And so he began obliviously talking at me about my need for a new mobile phone and the ‘new and exciting promotional phone offers available to me’. Promotional phone offers? Did I look like the type of person who, at that exact point in time was available to stand and have a chat with some spotty faced youth about promotional phone offers? Firstly, I had no hand available to grip the leaflet clutched in his gold jewellery clad hand he was extending out towards me and secondly I was quite clearly in the middle of a conversation on the exact contraption he was trying to sell to me. Now, call me stupid but surely a mobile phone salesman would realise what I was talking into. Surely he would realise that there was someone at the end of the other line. Surely he would realise that I in fact have a mobile phone and was not at all interested in his 'promotional offers'? But clearly he didn’t and continued to waffle on about mobile phones...."We have a current offer of blah blah blah......" I wasn’t listening to a single would he was saying, his charisma was non existent and it was obvious he lacked the social skills needed to interact with a monkey let alone with another human being.

With my temperature gauge rising and steam coming out of my ears I gave him the ‘death stare’. That look of evil you give to people that are pissing you off. I don’t use this stare often so when I do you know its for good reason. However, to my amazement this stare seemed to hit a brick wall. It seemed to float over him and not even interrupt the verbal diarrhoea that was spewing out of his mouth. Shocked and still unamused a made the decision to verbally express my feelings. I took a long, deep inhale of breath, counted to ten and before I could think things through in a rational and calm manner my mouth steamed ahead of me……

“………. Excuse me but I am in the middle of a conversation here, I am not interested in anything you have to sell me or anything you have to tell me about mobile phones….hang on let me finish…..I think its extremely rude to come waltzing up to me and interrupt me while I’m on the phone. So no I don’t want your leaflet…I said no, don’t put it in my bag for later because I won’t read it. I think leaflets are an awful waste of paper anyway people just chuck them on the floor or in the bin….what a bloody waste of a tree. I mean with the state the world is in at the moment……”

And I didn’t stop. And I think that if he hadn’t of told me that “he didn’t care about that and was just trying to sell me a phone” I probably would have gone on for hours. I would have covered every subject from the taste of peanut butter to the size of Gerald Depadieus nose. So, in short, I have set up this blog so all you poor folks out there can listen to the useless scribbles of my overactive imagination!